I still,clearly remember my first day in IIT Kharagpur-I knocked on the door of my room(it was around 2 am).An angry/irritated/sleepy uncle of my roomie opened the door,ready to fire me in case i knocked on the wrong door.I tried my best to stretch my face into a smile.As always,my mouth raced ahead of my brain."Hello" I said,as I barged in,with all my luggage.I couldn't get any sleep as thought after thought hit me and kept me awake.They wouldn't stop.But I knew one thing.My life was gonna "change"....yet again...
Now you will notice that Dream Theater's epic is not the only music I'm gonna quote here.But it can be related to what I am going through.I can remember my school bag till when I was 15 years old.One of those two big zips concealed an extra large water bottle and my football shoes that I loved with all my life(long story behind them).i used to take pride in not doing homework and getting punished(the 'pride' in receiving punishment was meant to make me look cool in front of my friends,when I always wished I could complete my notes on time).But life was cool then."Okay,i was made to sit with 5th class guys as a punishment,I was 'awarded' detention very regularly,my notes were often flung out of the classroom,sometimes me having to dodge them,A girl was assigned the task of making sure i completed my notes,and she bugged me a LOT,but so what??I mean,hey,life is cool,I got my friends,the people who matter to me,love me!!"this was all I thought.I was as happy and bright as the sun that shines in summer.And yea,believe it or not,I used to write poetry...and NO, they're not gonna be part of any of my blogs.
Then came the "change",in the form of a nerdy best friend who convinced me that my school sucked(I still remember the plans we made to demolish it).And so I convinced my parents to shift to Vizag.Little did I know life was never gonna be the same.I tried to continue my karate there.That was something I really loved,but it just wouldn't work out.I had changed!!Football was out of question thanks to the crappy little ground that my stupid school had(yes,i hated that school also,and i DO NOT regret it),all these factors were catalysing the "change" i was undergoing.And it was then,that I found solitude in maths.I was sort of the 'know it all' in class.And 'know it all's don't last.I started losing interest in stuff,I started losing friends,just like a tree which loses all its leaves and flowers during fall.Those were the times I was angry with everything around me.My pride in taking punishment disappeared.....
Then came "change" again in the form of a school which would seemingly,relieve me of all the pain I was going through.I accepted it.And actually ran away to that school when my parents were out of town.That place was,heaven for me.I mean,everyone around me obsessed with maths.There was no proper timetable back then,nobody cared if you studied or not.And after my 10th,started the preparation for JEE....an exam,I apparently had to get through to prove that I was capable of something(well,I did have other plans,but none of them worked).So,there I was,in the struggle.It was every man for himself.You dont study,means you wont clear JEE.And you dont clear JEE means you die.You sacrifice yourself like a samurai does when he fails his mission.Everyone was selfish.The campus,lecturers,the students,all of them...what we now call "cold blooded maggus".Cold,like the freezing winter.I was aware what I was becoming but I couldn't help it.It was the survival of the fittest and I needed to fight.I was a trooper!
All throughout the winter period,I would fantasize about being the me,that I liked.I was stuck in a rat race.So as soon as I finished those godforsaken years of education,I resolved that I would be back to,what I defined as "normal".I haven't studied a lot in the first year of my college or liked any professors.But the reason I love my college is that it gave me a second chance!A second chance to be someone I liked,to be someone I could take pride in being,to be someone who could just laugh at the rats who were still racing!To regain all my emotions,my creativity,my interest,just like every creature during spring!!
And finally,after a whole year of struggle,a struggle which I enjoyed,one in which I was on a journey to find myself,here I am now,happy like I was 4 years ago,just like I imagined around one year back,during a sleepless night,where I was imagining myself telling people about the "change" I went through.Now I am once again proud of what I am,who I am,where I study and what I do.The people who matter to me love me!!.It is summer again!The years behind me are lost somewhere in time.But do I consider them as wasted years?
Then I realized that I had come full circle.Just like the seasons.I do not think I am gonna be like this forever.Time will come when I have to "change".It may not always be good.But every year has to go through summer and winter.We move in circles,balanced all the while on a gleaming razor's edge.A perfect sphere colliding with our fate,this story ends where it began.
And finally,after a whole year of struggle,a struggle which I enjoyed,one in which I was on a journey to find myself,here I am now,happy like I was 4 years ago,just like I imagined around one year back,during a sleepless night,where I was imagining myself telling people about the "change" I went through.Now I am once again proud of what I am,who I am,where I study and what I do.The people who matter to me love me!!.It is summer again!The years behind me are lost somewhere in time.But do I consider them as wasted years?
Then I realized that I had come full circle.Just like the seasons.I do not think I am gonna be like this forever.Time will come when I have to "change".It may not always be good.But every year has to go through summer and winter.We move in circles,balanced all the while on a gleaming razor's edge.A perfect sphere colliding with our fate,this story ends where it began.
